I'm fairly confident that you were never here to see a play, so I am therefore equally confident that I am not disappointing you by not showing you a play. In fact, if you are like most people I know, it probably comes as a tremendous relief to learn that you are not going to have to read a play—even slight bits of a play, even the words "Blood is a flower between us," which are words Liesl says to Alfred after he has stabbed himself and she has gone to him to help him, unlike the rest of my plays, Alfred Returner is not a comedy, it is a tragedy, it is a very tragic tragedy—while I am trying to fool you with the conceit that you are not actually reading it, but watching it, because you know as well as I do, that conceit would never work. The only way you could actually be watching Alfred Returner would be if you were in a theater, which you are, but it must be the wrong one, because I am not going to show you Alfred Returner in this theater. If you'd like to see some paintings, on the other hand, they're just around the corner. So is this theater a gallery? Or perhaps it's a confessional. If so, I confess, I do not want to title my work! I do not believe in titles! Why must everything be named?